I gave up… and that’s not me.

Good morning.  It’s a beautiful day in St. Louis.  I’ve been absent.  I gave up writing for several reasons.  First and foremost, I was writing for the wrong reason.  Truth be told, I started this blog for one reason.  And that was money.  I may not have told myself that reason, but deep down, monetizing this blog was the main goal.  How shortsighted of me.  

It all started last year when I resigned from my career.  You read that right, not my job but my career.  I won’t go into all the reasons why, but in general I was not happy.  And that led to stress, anxiety, frustration, and an impact to my overall health.  Now what?  I have two bachelor’s degrees and expertise in service-industry systems and operations.  And I had (and still have) no intention of going back.  Curated Gent was born.  I need an income.  What I didn’t realize initially is that first I should do what I love.  I need to focus on my passion for writing and helping others.

Second, I was frustrated with the number of visits to my blog.  I gave up.  That’s unlike me.  From the beginning of this journey, I told myself that this would be successful if I could help just one person.  Well, I didn’t listen to myself.  I was in a hurry to make some cheddar and continue my lifestyle as it was during my career.  Again, shortsighted. 

The final reason for not continuing probably had the biggest impact and contributed to the aforementioned reasons.  I was afraid to put myself out there.  I was too worried about what others, especially those of you that I know, would think about me.  It’s tough to gain an audience without a network.  It’s even tougher when your three Twitter followers have either “XXX” or “Cam” in their profile description.  How embarrassing!  If you couldn’t tell, I don’t really do social media.  So why am I writing this article?

I am in the midst of reading “Welcome Home” by Najwa Zebian.  I normally don’t recommend a book until I finish it.  I always tell myself that if I can gain one bit of knowledge from a book, it’s worth it.  Well, I have gained so much from this book already that I’m confident with this plug.  The book has already taught me to be my true self and let is shine through to the world.  I would not have written this article had I not picked up the book.  Buy it here and help out yourself as well as independent businesses! And I picked up the book thanks to my amazing therapist.  Wait, therapy? 

Two months ago, I was terrified to even utter that word.  I can’t possibly need it.  I’m fine.  Nope.  None of us are perfectly fine.  Life is a complex puzzle and it’s tough.  Gosh, I should have started therapy when all seemed well with my life.  I waited until I was in the biggest rut of my life.  During my career, I always stressed the importance of proactivity instead of reaction.  Well, I was being a hypocrite to myself all along.  I reacted when I could have been working on my true self all along. 

So here I am, sharing my inner thoughts with the world again.  But this time is different.  There is no façade.  These are true feelings.  I was terrified of failure.  I was vulnerable.  There are not many articles where the author admits their faults.  If we can’t admit them to ourselves, we can’t truly learn from them.  And if we don’t share our experiences, we can’t help people in the same boat.

I can’t promise that I will post an article every single day, but I can promise you this.  I will post articles that are written by my true self, even if it opens me up to vulnerabilities.  Gone are the days of thinking “what will they think of me” or “how will this impact my future endeavors?”  The goal here is to get better together.  And if you happen to be the only one reading this article and it helps you, it’s a success. 

Chris